computers-cleankeyboard

Computers - Clean Keyboard

The Repository->How to Clean Your Keyboard in the Dishwasher

Computer Keyboards Can Get Totally Disgusting

Okay, so maybe you've heard about this in the periphery of your life. I'm just here to try to set the record straight. If your computer keyboard is looking really grimy, or full of crumbs or sticky substances, you really can wash it in the dishwasher.

What makes me the expert? Well, I'm currently a computer teacher at an elementary school. Now, think of elementary school kids. What's the first thing that comes to mind about them? That's right, they're dirty, messy, and full of germs. The computers in the lab at our school are on the verge of being called ancient; but education budgets being what they are, there doesn't seem to be any prospect of them getting replaced. We simply must make do with what we have.

Let me also say that, before I had this job, I used to repair and maintain DLP video projectors and pro video equipment that cost several times more than the sticker price of your car, so I know how to clean things and keep them working. However, working for a top-level staging company entitles one to using more sophisticated cleaning products than a public school. Okay, so it sounds like I spend all my time cleaning... let me stop here and stress that I am a computer teacher. Most of my time is spent teaching; but keeping the lab going is part of the job.

Anyway, one day at lunch, I read in the Chicago Sun Times a little sidebar that talked about how they'd just learned about putting keyboards in the dishwasher. They gave clear, explicit instructions, and claimed it worked. (It seems odd now, that I found this little clipping, since I rarely read the news in paper form, and I almost never read the slanty Sun Times.) I decided to give it a shot at home. my current keyboard was so disgusting that I didn't want people to look directly at it, and even I was not fond of touching it. Sounded like a good candidate. I did exactly what the article said, and in the end, it truly did look and act brand-new. Since then, I did use it on the computer lab keyboards, to stellar results (convincing my boss to let me do it was a bit tricky).

Sure, you can sift through random posts around the internet oh the best way to do it. But why waste your time? These are the most complete instructions anyone has ever written on how to do this bizarre act.

1. If your keyboard is wireless, I would not recommend this. If you do want to try it, remove the battery. Any other standard keyboard is fine.

2. Unplug the keyboard from your computer.

3. Put the keyboard on the TOP RACK. Do not run this with your other dishes and silverware.

4. Do not use any soap. Some may argue that not using soap will not truly sterilize your keyboard. Look, I work in an elementary school, and even without soap, this is truly a miracle of modern science. If you're really worried about germs, I have read that you can use Electrosol detergent (because it will not leave a residue), but I have not tried it, so I cannot endorse it.

4. Close the door to your dishwasher and TURN OFF THE HEATED DRYING CYCLE, as it can cause your keyboard to warp and produce undesirable results.

5. Run your dishwasher on the RINSE CYCLE only.

6. Go do something counter-productive for 40 minutes.

7. As soon as the dishwasher is completely finished, remove the keyboard. It will drip water absolutely everywhere. So take it to the sink, and shake out the standing water. Shake vigorously. Think about all the bastards in your life and shake the hell out of your keyboard to get the water out.

8. Let the keyboard dry for 3+ days. If you have to have it sooner, prop it up in front of a fan. This could shorten the cycle to just 2 full days. I would not recommend using it any sooner.

9. After a few days have passed, and everything is completely dry, plug the keyboard back in, and power up your machine. Doesn't it look and feel nice? :-)

Q&A

Does it matter if my keyboard is USB/MAC/PS2/whatever?

No.

What about scrubbing between the keys with a Q-tip and some alcohol?

Isopropyl is a wonderful substance (the closer to 100%, the significantly better it is) for cleaning electronics and anything else for that matter. It's great for disinifecting. But how much time do you have that you're probing between each key with a Q-tip? And as you can see, it doesn't get rid of that carpet of crumbs and hair at the bottom of your keyboard.

I read that I should take all the keys off and/or disassemble the keyboard before putting it in the dishwasher.

If you want to increase your geek prowess, be my guest. Have you ever taken keys off a keyboard? It's not very fun... and it would even less fun if you lost or broke one. It's really time consuming, and if your wife/parents/roommate saw you doing it, they would be concerned that you need more fresh air. Seriously, you don't need to take the keys off. That is what the vigorous shaking is for.

Can I put my laptop in the dishwasher?

Putting anything with a motor in the dishwasher is a bad idea. And yes, your laptop has motors (you know that whirring fan noise, and the hard drive churning noise?). I also don't think the LCD panel would respond favorably. I am considering removing the keyboard from my laptop to try it. However, removing the keyboard from a laptop is a tricky procedure... not something I'd do for fun. But when the thing gets dirty enough, I will try it, and let you know how it goes.

I read that I can wash my keyboard in the shower.

Yes, I read that, too, and I seriously wonder about the personal habits of such people. Or maybe they just want to emulate Kramer in that episode of Seinfeld where he does his dishes in the shower. But the truth is, sure, you can wash that keyboard in the shower--if it can handle a dishwaher, it can handle a massage master 2000. But perhaps you're not getting the gist of what's so cool about the dishwasher thing (and this goes for the people who inisit on pulling all the keys off first or disassembling the thing): PUTTING IT IN THE DISHWASHER REQUIRES NO MANUAL LABOR. It's automatic! That's why God invented dishwashers!

My mouse also looks really gross and grimy. What can I do about it?

Good question. Get a paper towel wet with some isopropyl, and wipe the mouse down thoroughly. Magically, it returns to its original lustre (and is far less germy).

Why do I have to wait three days for the keyboard to dry?

Keyboards have circuits in them. The finnicky thing about circuits is that if there is water or a metal object across the top of them, and you turn them on, you stand a good chance of shorting things out and blowing components on the circuit board. (I've seen various pieces of pro video equipment fried because a screw came loose and lay on the circuit board while the machine was powered on) Therefore, plugging the thing in while it's still wet runs a high risk of causing a short and rendering your keyboard or your motherboard useless. That would be sad. (Interestingly, companies that make circuit boards put them through a dishwasher of sorts when they are finished to wash off excess solder and flux that can cause such shorts. But they also similarly let them air dry for a few days before powering them up.)

I read that I can use a hair dryer or put my keyboard in the oven to speed up the drying process.

You shouldn't use a hair dryer or an oven (or the heated dry cycle of your dishwasher) because, as mentioned earlier, the plastic and circuit boards will, indeed melt and warp at certain heat thresholds. It could also loosen solder joints, which will certainly cause components to stop working. I have read more than enough posts of people complaining that the dishwasher thing "doesn't work" because a few keys stopped working properly when they were finished. Interestingly, those same people were always the ones who used a hair dryer or the heated drying cycle, instead of just letting good ol' evaporation do the work.

I spilled Coke on my keyboard, and the thing stopped working. Will the dishwasher method fix it?

You can try it. The thing about Coke is that it is corrosive, and will eat away at metal (yes, it does remove battery acid, though in a very sticky manner). Also, the other reason your keyboard stopped working is probably because it caused a short between circuits (same as would happen if you prematurely used it before it was finished air-drying). Putting the soda-stained keyboard in the dishwasher will certainly make it look nice, and take away the stickiness, but it may not bring it back to life. However, it's worth a try.

(Geek corner)Won't there be a bit of mineral residue from the water on the circuits?

Yes, there will be. Isn't there crumb, soda, chocolate, and hair residue on them right now?

(c) 2005 Paul Carmody